raging♥hormones (bar_code) wrote,

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i should be asleep

i am so sick of myspace. i am so sick of him invading my mind. my cat is going to die it is definite each day that she is alive is a day to be counted. i have never really handled death before. i know certain people might think it's only a cat. but they dont understand and if they dont understand than they arent meant to understand. i live in a lonely house. i dont have a dad i can talk to. all that my dad is, is a provider of shelter food and money. and im grateful for that but when its only me and him it kind of isnt enough for a confused teenage girl and before i had therapy before i had real friends i only had sammi. shes been my best friend for seven years when i used to cry i didnt come running to my dad i came running to hold sammi in my arms. when i was having a rough day when i was younger i didnt pick up the phone and call a biffle or my mom i held sammi tight in my arms and told her EVERYTHING and there are days when i still do that. she is practically a family member and i feel actual pain in my chest just thinking of sammi not sleeping on the pillow beside me on my bed. i really hope that the vet is wrong and this brave kitty (so what if shes 7 shes still a kitty to me) will go on to live. after all she is my hero ♥. well now that i have that off my chest i need to say something and i need to accept this:
"nessya you are going to forget about him you cant move mount everest. you cant make him love you. and even though it hurts to know he doesnt feel the same way you thought he did and that romantic sensual night was just another night to him you have to move on and know that someday someone will treat you the way you need to be treated and then some"
so whatever happens tomorrow will happen... you know dark movie theatre.... scary movie a possible hook up? if not it really doesnt bother me.
oh yeah im real happy that i can finally see ive lost weight i didnt really see until now. all my clothes are huge on me and it makes me feel proud. im so happy.
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