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raging♥hormones

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[26 Mar 2005|06:15pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

last night was so amusing. i love my friends so much. i really needed a pick me up and that is just what they did. three hours of dancing in practically our underwear. slutty pics. watered down tshirt. you know the usual.... lol

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AGAIN wtf was i thinking?? [19 Mar 2005|12:31am]
[ mood | cranky ]

i wasted my time on seein the ring 2 most stupid movie EVER whatever atleast i got close with lauren and vincent and my biffles (along with samara) caused me multiple palpitations due to laughter.

ughhhh w/e now that im finally at home i can sleep...no one is lonely in a dream

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i should be asleep [18 Mar 2005|12:40am]
[ mood | bitchy ]

i am so sick of myspace. i am so sick of him invading my mind. my cat is going to die it is definite each day that she is alive is a day to be counted. i have never really handled death before. i know certain people might think it's only a cat. but they dont understand and if they dont understand than they arent meant to understand. i live in a lonely house. i dont have a dad i can talk to. all that my dad is, is a provider of shelter food and money. and im grateful for that but when its only me and him it kind of isnt enough for a confused teenage girl and before i had therapy before i had real friends i only had sammi. shes been my best friend for seven years when i used to cry i didnt come running to my dad i came running to hold sammi in my arms. when i was having a rough day when i was younger i didnt pick up the phone and call a biffle or my mom i held sammi tight in my arms and told her EVERYTHING and there are days when i still do that. she is practically a family member and i feel actual pain in my chest just thinking of sammi not sleeping on the pillow beside me on my bed. i really hope that the vet is wrong and this brave kitty (so what if shes 7 shes still a kitty to me) will go on to live. after all she is my hero ♥. well now that i have that off my chest i need to say something and i need to accept this:
"nessya you are going to forget about him you cant move mount everest. you cant make him love you. and even though it hurts to know he doesnt feel the same way you thought he did and that romantic sensual night was just another night to him you have to move on and know that someday someone will treat you the way you need to be treated and then some"
so whatever happens tomorrow will happen... you know dark movie theatre.... scary movie a possible hook up? if not it really doesnt bother me.
oh yeah im real happy that i can finally see ive lost weight i didnt really see until now. all my clothes are huge on me and it makes me feel proud. im so happy.

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[13 Mar 2005|12:17am]
[ mood | pissy ]

today sucked so much. my cat sammi has a cancerous tumor, but shes having surgery on monday for it to be removed thank god. i missed andrews show. i hung out with johnny and dee and it felt so fucking weird and then jackie came and ugh i hate him sometimes. he can be the most immature pompus asshole one minute and the next the best friend youll ever have. god why is it that all guys friends, brothers, lovers w/e all seem to be two faced?

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fight off the lethargy [28 Feb 2005|10:26pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

i need to find someone else. he hurt me a lot. it is over and done with i cant even talk to him anymore. i think they're right he is just fucking gay.

im hoping for a snow day tomorrow. even though i live across the street. okay i lied. the school is practicly my front yard.

"its the bitter taste of losing everything i loved so dear"

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[27 Feb 2005|02:30am]
[ mood | loved ]

his smell is on my sweater which i cant bare to take off, on my pillow, on my sheets. best day ever. he gives me this amazing feeling when were together. i liked him being under my covers with me. why did he have to leave?

Kiss Me too fiercely
Hold me too tight
I meed help believing
You're with me tonight
My wildest dreams
Could not forsee
Lying beside you
With you wanting me

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[25 Feb 2005|09:24pm]
[ mood | tired ]

i cant believe how fast this vacation went by. i accomplished a lot in the past few days. well a lot of self productive things such as retail therapy at the dollar store, manicures, facial masks and a baby on its way. hannah and i are creating a little literature creation of our own. i feel so intimidated by her talent and how she is able to make the pages come alive... but after all its my first attempt at writing a novel or story longer than 3 pages and i am loving it. shes bringing out the best in me. i am finding myself curling up with a book at night instead of watching t.v. well conan is an exception.

i suck for for 20s rachel is funny. i love that child. enough said. bianca is finally moving just thinking of her not being able to come to starbucks at any given random time with rachel and i makes me tear. fresh meadows will def. be lonelier. atleast i will see less of andrew. not that i see much of him anyway. nor do i see much of bianca anymore either. but it will be even less once she moves. this is so so sad.

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[23 Feb 2005|10:36am]
[ mood | crazy ]

okay after 48 hours of akwardness between me and him he calls we end up talking till 2:30 and it feels like 10 minutes his words not mine.... im going to try to not have feelings for him we are just friends. were going to the village saturday... to buy eachother whips... again his words. RAWR why the fuck are things so fucking weird!

hah i was suppose to be at hannahs an hour ago whoopsy.

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why do people suck so much? [21 Feb 2005|10:00pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

whoever said it was a bad thing to hide your feelings? its a great way in reassuring that you wont get hurt and i can not take being hurt from anyone anymore. the situation that im in right now doesnt hurt me too much because i know if i really wanted it id put in more effort and be more aggresive. i really do like him but thats not why i am hurting. its just the fact that for once i thought i could end up happily with someone who lives in the same state as i do. well atleast i was smacked into reality before i really got hurt. and the pin smacked back as well. i hate people they are evil. these past few days have been a blur of "wtf?" for me.....

how can someone who made you feel so good at one moment make you feel like complete and utter shit the next moment?

i made a decision i dont give a shit about ANYONE anymore. its time for me to worry about taking care of myself and not the rest of the world.

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pointless [17 Feb 2005|07:31pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

loneliness:
Adjective:
1. Without companions. 2. Unfrequented by people; desolate: a lonely crossroads. 3. Dejected by the awareness of being alone.

yeah so that should describe how i feel i just really want to write a pointless entry of how my day went not forgetting any detail. well here goes. my brother called me up at 9 in the morning we chatted and i found out that his girlfriend is an actress and he went with her to an audition recently and how she likes broadway. and since i have some interest in broadway now i know when i meet her next month we can talk about something. well after that dana called and she came over for about. then dana and i walked to school together.

when i went into lunch i saw EVERYONE i had NO idea that like andrew, stehpanie, christine, jonny, nathalie, bianca, antione, mikada, paola & jose all were in my lunch period now im gonna go in 5th everyday. i felt so weird everyone was dragging me over to their table. i felt so confuzed though cause i havent been in the lunchroom since freshman year. and its such a big difference my first time coming into the lunchroom freshman year i didnt know anyone i had no one to sit with it was horrible. but its surprising that i actually have friends a year and a half later.

in math today we had a test i KNOW i definately either got a 100 or in the 90's.

in mystery we did our dialogues using our vocabulary words and i was working with steven and omg i am the biggest liar its not like i say to myself in the morning "okay nessya today you are going to tell lies to random people" it just comes out because the truth is much less interesting. yeah so steven complimented me on how he thought i was smart and why im taking this class and i told him because last year i was absent 1/2 a year because my mom was in the hospitol due to a horrible car crash but she's thankfully much better its amazing what technology can do these days with her prostetic leg and all his question came right in time because if the bell wouldnt have rung i would have laughed in his face.

in fashion design i realize i can draw i mean jeanie can draw for me. i love art i love the people in art the whole table makes me laugh and i feel so at home with them hard to explain but i love that class.

in spanish we had a test and i TOTALLY forgot thank god for you jason! he really helped me... but i couldnt help it i lied to mrs.meitner i wrote down pero instead of perro in the dictation part and i told her its cause my 11 year old shitzu is very ill with a thyrode problem and my dads thinking of putting her to sleep and thats all i can think about. so she didnt take points off...

in gym i felt so bad for lying i confessed to a random asian who i dont think understood me that i cheated on my spanish tests in multiple ways she nodded her head and continued to talk to her friend in fob language. gym is one that i absolutely LOVE as well. i love hannah and gracie and sarah and stacy and chastity EVERYONE i just LOVE them they make me feel soo happy and hysterical in bursts of laughter. gym is ALWAYS hilarious....

in global mrs.k was such a bitch and she swtiched the seats around w/e now dana and faisal sit next to me... thank god that hatian dick sits in the back i fucking HATE him. yeah i have a quiz tomorrow.

mr.gibson looked so sexy today oh man i think im forming a crush on him. hahah what trinel and krystal say are so hilarious their so fucking stupid thank god i have jose and sofia to make fun of them with but shhh.

after school i walked home with gagandeep... came home to find out my dad told letty to clean the whole house except for MY ROOM and then i looked in my fridge and there was NOTHING in it. i went into an emotional break down and started to cry hysterically on my kitchen floor which is when princess came to me and i swear she licked my tears... i know it was cause she was hungry but still it made me feel sooo much better... then i fed her lol

then bianca called me and wanted her sweater so i met with her and mariah at arbys and we chilled i stole mariahs rabbit food then i went back to their apartment and was with bianca as she attempted to do laundry then i walked home and saw ryan on the way waiting for some people by the bus stop he stopped and chatted with me and walked me home... rachel IS right ryan is EVERYONES best friend. now i just got home and im hungry with no food in the house and a mother i cant get into touch with and homework and labs that have to be done.

wow i doubt ANYONE will read all this

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